Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
