apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
