Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
