yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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