Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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