A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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