Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
