I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
