How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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