So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
