he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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