How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
