i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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