our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She bit a glass in half.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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