yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone shattered a urinal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
