So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
