The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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