And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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