well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
