Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
