my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
