I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
