My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
