she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
