I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
