Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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