I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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