Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
