I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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