haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
