my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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