Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
