I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
