Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
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I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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