I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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