it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
