I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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