It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
