I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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