I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
