Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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