i just had sex bonerless
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
