I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
