Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
