what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
