I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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