dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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