Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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