Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize