hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
