im having a threesome with these popsicles
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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