her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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