I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
