just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
