Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
