Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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