Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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