there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
