The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
