Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
