Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
