Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
