It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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