How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
