I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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