just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
