last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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