look no pants
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
