I just made out with a guy for $7.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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